He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
