Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
