so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
