Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God I need to hump something, right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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