i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
