Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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