I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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