Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
