is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
