I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
