You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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