it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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