me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
