i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
