Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize