I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
