She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
