There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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