Banned from zoo.
Again?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
