I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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