yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
