why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
smell my finger.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
