I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
