she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
