i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
