I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
