Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
