If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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