I wish I could teleport
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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