Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your penis caused this!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
