i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
