roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
