It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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