im six kinds of drunk right now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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