what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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