it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
