Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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