Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
