And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize