they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize