Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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