Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
