then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
