dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
