Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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