"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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