***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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