I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
