My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
did i just pee glitter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
