You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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