I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
