just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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