Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize