Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
