Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
