so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
