so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
