GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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