Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
