somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
