I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
