I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
