So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
